How morbidly obese girl finds *TRUE LOVE* | 1.5.19
Jan 5, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVEHl7udFn4

I think a lot of us as big girls get
questioned a lot is do we deserve to be
loved and to find love
I am in my thinking spot tonight you
guys cuz I have been doing a lot of
thinking the question that has been just
really on me lately is can an obese
woman morbidly obese woman truly find
love can she
I guess we have to find out the world
has made us as and when I say us I'm
talking about myself as well has made us
obese and morbidly obese women feel like
we are not worthy to be loved we have
allowed it to enter our mind so strong
that we now tell ourselves that we are
not worthy to be loved when we look into
the mirror we tell ourselves you're ugly
you're fat look at your double chin look
at your extra cheeks look at your long
nose you know look at your bushy
eyebrows you look at all of your flaws
when you look at a mirror you don't look
at the beauty of what you see you just
completely go right for the negative and
that's because we have been taught to be
that way so therefore we have taught
ourselves and told ourselves so many
times over that we are not eligible to
find love as an obese woman and a person
like myself and I'm speaking for myself
because well I myself but I know that
there are many more women out there that
struggle with the same things that I do
and that I still do I am on a journey of
healing and I am getting a lot better
but at the very beginning of time I told
myself I will never find somebody to
love me I have stretch marks I have a
double stomach I you know I I don't fit
in I'm not like all the women that I see
walking around I'm different and so as I
continue to lie to myself and tell me
these tell myself these things I push so
many great opportunities to find
somebody away because I believed that I
would be rejected so what was the point
why would I even try I'm not gonna
gonna fit in to what their category is I
don't even know what the category is but
I don't fit in so I'm not even gonna try
it as I met my husband and we started
talking I didn't tell him right away
that I was larger I kind of just ignored
it a little bit but we talked online so
we weren't physically in any area that
he could see me at any time what my body
looked like so I had to worry about that
right away I got to hide behind the
camera or behind the computer computer
camera um and as time kind of gone on
and we started kind of getting a little
bit more serious and stuff I thought
uh-oh I really got to tell him I got to
tell him this soon because I know he's
not gonna go for this and I know that
most likely I'm going to get a reject
button and he's never gonna talk to me
again like that's just it I had already
seen a picture of him in oh my god he
was drop-dead gorgeous and my eyes so of
course I'm thinking yeah not gonna
happen he is not gonna go for me but
I'll play this card until I can because
I was I was protected between a screen
and so I told him I said you know I
think I need to be honest with you about
something he's like what's up and I said
well you know I've never showed you a
picture of me and you've never asked
which is really weird and he says well
because looks to me don't matter and I'm
like okay and I'm like well okay I
understand that but you know I'm not one
of your typical females and he's like
dot dot question mark and I'm like I am
obese I'm fat let's just say it I'm fat
I have stretch marks I have a double
chin I you know walk slow because I'm
fat I you know I told him all the worst
things about myself because I was
building my wall up that that was
building my wall I was putting that
brick wall up because I knew he was not
going to go for the way that I looked
hello there's so many so many beautiful
women out there why why would he come to
me yeah right so I send him the picture
and all he can reply back with was oh my
god you are so beautiful and I'm like
yeah you don't have to lie to be fly
well and he's like absolutely not I'm
not lying whatsoever he said actually I
take offense to you're not believing me
like I think you were absolutely
beautiful and he said you know let me
tell you something Amy he said you know
I can see a woman at a hundred and
twenty five pounds blond hair skinny
legs whatever and I could see her
walking on the street and she could be
very gorgeous on the outside like very
gorgeous and he said but all it takes is
for her to open her mouth and she
becomes the most ugliest person I've
ever met because her insides are so ugly
and he said I don't measure love or
measure looks or measure beauty from the
outside I measure it from the inside and
it took a long time for me to understand
that like I really did because I I kept
questioning his ability to see me as a
beautiful person I'm like show how a
moment like oh wow
when's he gonna see the big girl like
come on now and it never happened like
he you know to this day he still tells
me Amy are so beautiful you know and
he's always uplifting me always and it
wasn't until just a few months ago
actually that I would be sitting in the
car and I would see a beautiful lady
walking by and I'd be like oh my gosh I
could see you being married to someone
like that
and he would look at me and be like Amy
and I'm like I think she's beautiful I
seriously think she's absolutely
beautiful he's like to be honest with
you she's not attractive and he's like
listen to the way she's talking f-bomb
this and f-bomb dad he's like to me that
makes it so that's what is a
he's like beauty doesn't come from looks
it's from the person itself and he's
like and don't say that and I'm like but
there's so many beautiful Muslim ladies
like how why would you come to me what
what would draw you to me you know and I
was so shy growing up that in so
insecure you know my insecurities
covered at all my insecurities
controlled my every move
I remember there'd be times that I would
walk into a store and I could feel that
there was somebody looking at me like
you know a man looking at me or whatever
and I remember I would totally play it
off as if I didn't even pay attention
like I would never make eye contact ever
because I didn't feel worthy I didn't
feel good about it um you know or I
would him immediately as soon as I knew
that they were checking me out or
whatever which whatever uh-huh checking
me out I would start looking for all the
pretty girls I'm like okay why is he
looking at me when there is a beautiful
girl right there there's a beautiful
lady right there yeah why are you
looking at me dude like turn around and
then it really hit me one day not too
long ago like what what is different
about me than any of these beautiful
women
what's different why am I not worthy
enough to be loved why am I not worthy
enough to find true love is a man not
supposed to love me because of my looks
because of my fat Society has made it
too so bad on us that you know our
titles in life are lazy
stinky um a risk mean full of depression
medical issues can't take care of
themselves we'll never be able to take
care of a home be a poor wife can't help
themselves I mean that's that's the
titles that we have been given why can't
we change that now and show people
we are true we are true women we do
deserve to be loved when you look in
that mirror and you see the person
staring back at you don't look at your
flaws look at the beauty that comes off
of that mirror smile at yourself and say
I am beautiful do you know that my
husband I'll never forget I was in a
moment where I just felt so bad about
myself and I was just downright being so
abusive to myself and he turned me
around and made me face my mirror in my
bedroom and he made me repeat 30 times I
am beautiful and by the time I made it
to the 20th he joined in and he said you
are beautiful and as I was saying I am
beautiful he was saying you are
beautiful and that has stuck with me and
I think it will stick with me for life
that when I start to question my ability
to be a beautiful woman all I have to do
is look in the mirror and say I am
beautiful I am beautiful sure my body
might not fit the perfect scoring body
bow
but do I where's the scoring chart who
made that scoring chart is there a
scoring chart or have we made a scoring
chart up here of where we level off and
in in the body shaming chart ask
yourself that the next time that you
question yourself and your ability to
find true love and to step out in the
world and be independent and finally
fall in love with yourself ask yourself
where do I fall I'm not chart
I hope the next time you ask yourself
that you're at number one because every
individual should be at number one you
should never put yourself under somebody
else there is never any one different
person that is better than you you were
your own perfect don't ever let somebody
tell you differently don't ever let
somebody tell you that you're less of
that you're not worthy of that you're
ugly that you don't fit into society
that you belong you know in a house and
no not on the outside don't let somebody
bring you down a level and put
themselves ahead of you because you
always belong at the top no matter what
you belong at the top that's where you
should put yourself you were your own
trophy and you should be able to show
yourself off feel prideful when you step
out of your door I don't wear makeup
every day I wear once in a while when I
just feel like it I don't wear makeup
every day I don't dress up every day but
when I walk out my house I know I'm my
own perfect person I don't second-guess
my husband being married to me I don't
second-guess my husband walking with me
in a store I don't ask myself as he
ashamed to be walking next to me does he
not want to be seen with me what is
going through his mind right now while
he's walking next to me does he wish
that he wasn't with me none of those
questions even reach my mind anymore
they used to but I have squashed them to
the point now I don't even think about
that because I have fallen in love with
me I have fallen in love with my own
self because that's where it has to
start you have to accept yourself first
before you can accept anybody to accept
you if you can't accept yourself for
where you're at in your life no one will
ever be able to accept you in your own
eyes be your own perfect
that should be your motto when you go to
your job walk into your job and say I am
my own perfect don't measure yourself up
to all the other workers oh well Sally
looks really nice today boy she's gonna
get the stairs today Oh Gloria looks
really good today I'm looking like a
skank
I'm looking like a doormat but don't
ever allow somebody to make you feel
like you're in the second position you
always should be at the number one top
chart of your own chart there should
never be a chart where you put yourself
on a median board and that you put
yourself lower because the minute you do
that you've allowed Society to take over
your life and you will never succeed in
life and finding true love finding true
happiness because if you can't accept
yourself for where you're at right now
you will never be able to allow somebody
to accept you for where you're at right
now I hope this message reaches the
right people that needed to hear it
today and if you have any questions or
need to talk at any given time my email
is right down below in the description
box
Amy 1981 ramadhan at gmail.com feel free
to email me anytime and I will receive
the message and get back to you as soon
as possible I hope everybody is having a
wonderful wonderful Friday night and
that you guys have a great start to your
weekend I will check in with you guys
tomorrow bright and shiny in the morning
until them sweet dreams bye bye
